Four Muggles and a Summer at Malfoy Manor
by Phoenix Black Malfoy
Summary: Four teenage muggles from New Zealand, are told they have to help make the ties between Muggles and Wizards better. They have to spend a summer at Malfoy Manor, which is also housing Voldie and the Deatheaters.
1. Way To Go

4 Muggles and Voldie  
  
Disclaimer: What's ours (including us) is ours and what isn't isn't.  
  
A/N: If you have a problem with this, review and tell. We're really lazy, descriptions will come some time in the near (or far) future! :) =)  
Chapter 1  
Jayne was not in a good mood (A/N: Cause she's ugly) for she had just been told, that she and three other un-identified people had to stay at some wizard's manor for the holidays to stabilize the relationships between Muggles and Wizards. Of course Jayne being the bitch she is, thought this was a whole lot of bull shit and a joke the teachers were telling her. But her being the bitch she is is going anyway. (A/N: Should we put her with peter Pettigrew?  
  
Vicky was feeling very hyperactive today. This was because she was on Vanilla coke (A/N: medication apparently) and she had just been told she was going to stay with some REAL LIFE WIZARDS!!!! Of course, she had read the Harry Potter series and understood it all (A/N: unlike some people, eg. Jayne). Although, she was a bit angry about Jayne having to go too.  
  
Jocelyn was also extremely happy today, even though she was still in bed after midday. She had just been told that she was going to stay with some wizard family, she was also happy because two of her friends were going to. She then decided it would be a good idea to get up and actually pack her bag since they were leaving tonight.  
  
Fawn was being her usual unsociable self and had her nose in a big novel. She had completely forgotten today was the day they were leaving for the Wizard manor. But, Vicky and Jocelyn being the good friends they are decided to pop around to see if she was actually doing something and not just reading.  
  
At Malfoy Manor, Lucius had just invited his 'lord' and some of his fellow Deatheaters over for the holidays so Draco could get to know them. (A/N: Voldemort, is currently looking like Tom Riddle, not snake face.) When, all of a sudden, Fudge's head popped into the fire place and said.  
  
"Why hello there Lucius. Ol' pal." Cheerfully.  
  
"Fudge." Said Lucius giving him one of those looks 'get out of my fire place'.  
  
"I'm awfully sorry to have to tell you this Lucius," said Fudge just noticing Lucius' guests, "But you're going to have four more guests this summer. Four female Muggle Teenagers, to be precise. You see, the ministry, not including me, have dealt a new loyalty, so they suggested you play host."  
  
Then Fudge with a look that showed he didn't want to hear Lucius blow up, popped away.  
  
Lucius for his part, was looking as if the sky just fell. Voldemort and the deatheaters weren't looking any better.  
  
Meanwhile.......  
  
Vicky, Jocelyn and Fawn were still at Fawn's house waiting for her to pack all her books and dagger collection. Jocelyn was playing with a dagger and kept accidentally slicing herself and Vicky was picking every one off the books in the suitcase and throwing them back out while saying things like,  
  
"Crap. Boring. Too long. Bollocks, that's impossible! Too heavy. Eww! Poetry! Fawn! What's with the history books? Ooh! Harry Potter 3! Can I take this one? Medieval Torture Devices? Eww! That's disgusting......Oh wait, is that even possible?"  
  
After they finally got everything packed, Vicky and Jocelyn cracked open Fawn's secret supply of Vanilla coke, while Fawn, was reading yet another poetry book, she seemed to not notice that Vicky and Jocelyn were destroying her bedroom.  
  
A few minutes later, there was a knock on the front door. Jocelyn (because Fawn's parents weren't home, they also didn't know she was actually going) went and answered the door and was standing face to face with some old guy, wearing a bowlers hat and dress/robe thingy.  
  
She screamed and ran back to Fawn's bedroom screaming "Evil Mushroom Man is attacking! Help mee!!!!!"  
  
Which instantly set Vicky off screaming bloody murder.  
  
Fawn, who had by now, gotten a big headache and couldn't read anymore decided to actually go and see who the poor fella was at the door.  
  
When she got there, she unlike her friends asked politely, "Excuse, but, can I help you?"  
  
"Hello Miss, my name is Cornelius Fudge and I-" started Fudge never getting to finish.  
  
Due to, can you guess?  
Go on, have a shot.  
You guessed it, the mad ones ran out shout thing like, "Fudge? Where's my food? I'm hungry! Fudge? Food? Yummy! Where's my fudgie?"  
  
Fawn just gave them a look that stated 'stop smoking while you're on vanilla coke'.  
  
But they took this as a signal to start looking for fudge.  
  
So Fudge and Fawn just completely ignored them and continued their conversation.  
  
"Anyway, as I was saying Miss. I'm here to take you and your three friends to Malfoy Manor in the British isles." Said Fudge.  
  
At that moment, Fawn thought it would be a better idea to shut the door and continue the conversation outside and you could hear the beginning of a sentence from Jocelyn, who literally wailed, "Where's my fudge? It's....."  
  
Fawn who thought it would be better to hurry up, said, "Wait here."  
  
She went inside and slapped her friends sober and told them to grab their bags because we're leaving.  
  
"But why?" Whined Jocelyn who was still upset about the fudge trick.  
  
"Because, you do want to see Draco Malfoy in the flesh don't you?" Said Fawn with raised eyebrows and a superior smirk.  
  
Jocelyn instantly shut up and fainted with happiness.  
  
Fawn and Vicky just rolled their eyes.  
  
Vicky then asked, "If she gets to see Draco then can I see Remmie?" she looked hopeful.  
  
"Maybe," said Fawn in thought.  
  
Vicky smiled happily then kicked Jocelyn in the side to wake her up.  
  
They both completely missed Fawn mutter under her breath, "God. Why do I always have to pick the weird ones as friends?"  
  
~~~~~ 20 minutes later ~~~~~  
  
They had picked Jayne up who had decided to pack heaps of make-up and tight, tarty clothes.  
  
They were now on their way to the nearest floo connection.  
  
Then they flooed to Malfoy Manor.......  
A/N: If you read this stories please give reviews and give us ideas of how to freak everyone out.  
  
Next Chapter: Dinner, with four muggles, Malfoys, Voldie and Deatheaters and Remus (A/N: Yummy!)  
  
Also, two people are typing this. Any remarks on how Remus looks will be from the one known as Vicky. And Fawn is dictating it except for the crazy parts, so this may not make any sense. 


	2. Meet the Family and Dinnertime!

4 muggles and a summer at malfoy manor  
  
Disclaimer: Same as before.  
  
A/N: By the way, at the mo, Fawn, Vicky AND Jocelyn are all writing this now. It was only Fawn and Vicky in the first chapter. Jayne won't be helping because we don't like her. Oh, most typing is by Vicky as I am the only one who can spell....  
  
We are 16 by the way...  
  
Chapter 2 (A/N: Original title, eh?)  
The four muggles land in front of the Malfoy's fire place in a dusty mangled heap.  
  
Then Jocelyn gets up and says, "What the hell was that, I hurt my fu-"  
  
She was cut off by Jayne's screaming because her mascara was running.  
  
Vicky slapped her and made her shut up.  
  
"Did anyone get the license plate of that truck?" Asked Fawn.  
  
"We've been expecting you." Said Lucius stepping forward.  
  
Jocelyn looks at him oddly and then exclaims, "Who the hell are you, you poof?"  
  
"How dare you insult me!" Shouted Lucius.  
  
"How dare you insult me by looking that way!" Shouted Jocelyn mimicking him.  
  
"Now, now children." Said Fawn stepping in between them, she looked at Lucius and gave Jocelyn a bottle of Vanilla coke to shut her up.  
  
Vicky then steps forward and says something incredibly stupid, considering Voldemort was in the room.  
  
She looks at Voldemort and says with a goofy grin, "Hey, with glasses and messy hair, you'd look like Harry Potter."  
  
Voldemort looked almost on the verge of exploding.  
  
Fawn goes up to Voldemort and pats his arm and says, "Now, now, calm down. She can't help being who she is. Why don't you go and take your anger out on Peter."  
  
Voldemort opens his mouth to say something and then thinks against it and yells, "Wormtail! Get your ass in here now!"  
  
Wormtail cowers into the room and goes over to Voldemort.  
  
"Follow." Ordered Voldemort and then Wormtail cowered behind him and went back out the room.  
  
"What the fuck was the point in that?" Asked Vicky.  
  
"Eugh." Was the noise that came from Lucius and then he had a disgusted look on his face.  
  
"What the fuck's up with you?!" Demanded Jocelyn glaring at Lucius.  
  
Then, she saw another blonde enter the room, it was Draco.  
  
Jocelyn's mouth dropped open and she ran over to him and hugged him for slightly longer than usual and then she fell over in a dead faint.  
  
"What's wrong with her and what are you wearing?" Asked Draco confused.  
  
"Her? She's in love and as for what we're wearing, we'll tell you when she wakes up." Answered Fawn nicely.  
  
Draco just nodded and went and sat down beside his mother.  
  
After five minutes of confusion and trying to wake Jocelyn up, Draco gets up and says, "Let me."  
  
He sits Jocelyn up to try and wake her up and then he sniffs her hair and she wakes up.  
  
"Were you sniffing her hair?" Asked Vicky in disbelief.  
  
"Uh.....No, of course not! I mean...." Stuttered Draco and then he trailed off.  
  
"You were." Said Fawn.  
  
"Oh my god. He sniffed her hair! Oh my gosh!" Screeched Jayne.  
  
"Shut up Cow!!" Shouted Vicky.  
  
Fawn whacks Jayne around the head and basically knocks her out.  
  
Everyone just leaves Jayne and goes back to watching Draco and Jocelyn.  
  
"Draco! Get off the floor and away from that muggle now!" Demanded Lucius angrily.  
  
Draco gets up quickly and moves away.  
  
Jocelyn then gets up and glares at Lucius. She walks over to him and stops when they are face to face.  
  
"What did you just say? Why?" Asked Jocelyn angrily.  
  
"I told him to get up because he's my son." Answered Lucius just as angrily.  
  
"So? He's allowed to be free. He has rights! You can't tell him what to do! Human rights are important! He shouldn't have to put up with that he...." Started Jocelyn and she carried on ranting about Human Rights, Freedom and Justice.  
  
Half an hour later Jocelyn is still rambling and everyone barr Draco and Lucius are half asleep.  
  
Draco was hanging on to her every word and Lucius was still glaring at her.  
  
By now, Lucius was going blue in the face and then he just stormed out of the room.  
  
"Erm...Shouldn't we pick her up?" Asked Narcissa wearily while looking at Jayne.  
  
"What? Nah. Just leave her." Said Vicky dismissively.  
  
"OK, well, we should introduce you to the rest of the guests then." Said Narcissa. "These are..."  
  
Jocelyn cut her off, "The Teenage...Teenage mutant ninja turtles!"  
  
"No no, the Tellitubbies!" Exclaimed Vicky.  
  
"No, these are our other guests...." Started Narcissa and then she started listing off names.  
  
"Oh, why are they wearing funny big black coats?" Asked Jocelyn, "I want one!"  
  
"You can have one if you want to be a deatheater." Said Draco.  
  
"We don't wanna be deatheaters we just want one of those black coat things." Said Jocelyn happily and Vicky was nodding.  
  
Everyone just ignored her and Vicky's incessant nodding.  
  
"Hey Vicky, Joss, if I buy you coats like that will you stop annoying these nice people?" Asked Fawn bargaining.  
  
Vicky and Jocelyn completely ignored Fawn and started prodding the Deatheaters.  
  
"Is this real?" Asked Jocelyn in awe.  
  
"Yeah, I reckon. Shit." Said Vicky also in awe.  
  
"Oh god. This is ridiculous, we're unpacking our bags now." Said Fawn, and then she dragged Jocelyn and Vicky out of the room, right after kicking Jayne in the ribs to wake her up.  
  
Narcissa and Draco followed them and took them upstairs to their rooms.  
  
On the way down the hall to their rooms they passed two rooms, one of them had someone muttering incoherent things under his breath.  
  
"That's Lucius." Said Narcissa.  
  
The other room had high pitched crying coming from it.  
  
"That would be Lord Voldemort." Said Narcissa again.  
  
The girls went and started unpacking their things  
  
Draco kept going from room to room admiring all the muggle clothing that came out of their suitcases.  
  
He then stopped at Jocelyn's room and watched her taking each piece of underwear out and then deliberately showing it to him before putting it away.  
  
After he closed his mouth he went to Fawn's room and watched her taking all her books out of her suitcases, and then she pulled her dagger collection out and putting neatly in the draws and on the bookcases provided.  
  
He then went to Vicky's room and watched her throwing everything out of her suitcases and kicking it around on the floor until it was in the 'right' place.  
  
And last, Draco went and stopped at Jayne's room, he then decided to turn around and go back to Jocelyn's.  
  
Eventually, it was dinnertime..........  
  
After everyone was seated, Vicky ended up sitting next to someone she didn't know.  
  
He introduced himself as Remus Lupin, this caused Vicky to break into a grin and on her other side was a man who she met earlier, his name was Gordon and he was always making eyes at Fawn.  
  
Jocelyn was sitting between Lucius and Narcissa.  
  
Fawn was sitting between Severus Snape and Voldemort.  
  
At last, Jayne was sitting between Peter (Wormtail) and an anonymous Deatheater who was trying to get away.  
  
"Why are you here?" Asked Vicky curiously to Remus.  
  
"I was the only one stupid enough at the Ministry to take this job." Answered Remus.  
  
"Which was...?" Asked Vicky.  
  
"You know, making sure no one is murdered, or tortured or hurt....." Said Remus while watching amusedly as Lucius was trying to strangle Jocelyn who was in hysterical laughter.  
  
"Gotcha. Where's Sirius?" Asked Vicky anxiously.  
  
"Who knows?" Answered Remus.  
  
Meanwhile, over by Lucius and Narcissa, Jocelyn was pissing Lucius off because, plainly, her existence scares him.  
  
He was also being mean to her and he insulted her parents so she 'accidentally' spilled her hot gravy in his lap.  
  
Over at Fawn's end of the table she was introducing herself to the man in black.  
  
"Hello, my name is Fawn and you are?" Asked Fawn politely over the book she brought to the table then she turns to Tom (A.K.A. Voldemort) and says, "Hi Tom, nice to see your feeling better now." While patting his arm and giving him a sweet smile.  
  
"Severus Snape." Answered Sev.  
  
"Ah, nice to meet you." Said Fawn and then she returned to reading her book and eating her vegetarian meal.  
  
Sev just stared at her and then he noticed her meal and then went back to eating his own meal.  
  
Jayne's end of the table.  
  
Jayne was trying to engage Peter into a conversation.  
  
"So big boy. What's your name?" Asked Jayne as flirtatiously as she could.  
  
Peter just stared back horrified.  
  
"Hey Jayne! Lay off Peter man, he's cool!" Shouted Jocelyn down the table and when she said that Vicky snorted into her drink and sprayed it everywhere.  
  
"Thanks, it's nice to have a friend." Said Peter back.  
  
"Just cause I said you were cool doesn't mean I'm your friend!" Called Jocelyn before going back to firing rice at Lucius.  
  
"Hey Peter, just ignore those three." Called Fawn down the table and giving him a sweet smile.  
  
Peter blushes and Gordon looked on dreamily and Snape was just amused.  
  
Fawn didn't notice any of this and carried on reading and eating.  
  
Remus was glaring at Peter and kept firing mashed potato at him and then Vicky thought that was fun and started flicking peas at Voldemort.  
  
Jocelyn was making a beautiful sculpture of a rose out of various foods and then threw it down the table and it hit Peter. She was actually aiming it at Jayne. But she got two birds with one stone as the spray hit Jayne, she screamed and fell off her chair and knocked herself unconscious.  
  
"So, Mr Mort," Started Vicky looking across the table to Voldemort who looked back, "Why can't the dark mark be something more socially acceptable?"  
  
"Its simple really....." Started Voldemort and then he rambled on and on and Vicky stopped listening as soon as she finished the question and she went back to talking to Remus.  
  
"......and that's why you can't show it in public." Finished Voldemort about ten minutes later.  
  
"I'm sorry, did I actually ask for an answer? No? Didn't think so." Said Vicky before going back to talking with Remus who was very amused.  
  
Voldemort looked constipated he was almost in tears because these girls weren't a tad bit scared of him.  
  
Fawn being the ever comforting person she is gave Voldemort a little hug and a kiss on the cheek and said while glaring at Vicky, "Just don't take anything to heart, she never really means it."  
  
"Nah, I don't. I want Harry Potter dead too." Said Vicky nodding her head like an idiot.  
  
"A heart should always be big enough to safely enfold all of one's friends and family; A house should be too small to hold them all." Said Fawn.  
  
"Oh, so you've read the Book of Celtic Wisdom as well?" Asked Sev.  
  
"You have too? You are the first person I've met who has read it." Said Fawn almost excitedly.  
  
"So what did you think of the...." Started Sev and they both got into a long conversation about the book and ignored everyone else.  
  
"No shit! Really? I've seen that too!" Exclaimed Vicky to Remus after she found out he'd seen the Lord of the Rings Movies as well.  
  
"Oh well, you suck you stupid prat." Said Jocelyn after she found out Lucius likes nothing to do with people like her.  
  
Lucius glared at her and she stuck her tongue out at him and flicked some rice at him.  
  
Draco and Narcissa are both laughing hysterically at the way Jocelyn is treating Lucius.  
  
Jayne wakes up.  
  
"How could you do that to me, Jocelyn?! You really hurt me!" Shouted Jayne down the table at Jocelyn.  
  
"Don't get your knickers in a twist!" Shouted Jocelyn back.  
  
"I'm not wearing any." Said Jayne snottily.  
  
At this, everyone except Fawn, Sev and Voldemort (Who were all talking about that book) stopped eating. Jocelyn threw up in Lucius' lap and then passed out and Draco took her up to her room and nursed her for a while, Vicky threw up in Gordon's lap and then ran off and everyone else cringed.  
  
A little later on Draco could be seen leaving Jocelyn's room a little flushed by Fawn and she went up to him.  
  
"Is she ok?" Asked Fawn concerned.  
  
"Eh, yeah, she is." Answered Draco while looking at the ground.  
  
"Why are you flushed?" Asked Fawn curiously.  
  
"Well, can you keep a secret?" Asked Draco, Fawn nods, "Well, I kind of like Jocelyn. But, I don't know how old she is."  
  
"She's almost 16. And for Christ sakes, go back in there then." Said Fawn.  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow and then wandered back into her room and then Jocelyn wakes up.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" Asked Jocelyn.  
  
"Erm, I was just making sure you were ok." Answered Draco searching for something else to look at in the room and then noticing her top draw open with undies in it.  
  
He blushed and said, "Erm, I better go. Goodnight."  
  
He leaves.  
  
Fawn then goes to say goodnight to Tom and Sev.  
  
She walks up to them and hugs each one and kisses them on the foreheads and then said, "I'm going to go and practice with my daggers now, goodnight."  
  
Meanwhile, Vicky was in her room with Remus as she made up some bull shit about not being able to find her way back to her room as the house was so big.  
  
They ended up talking all night and then snogged into the sunrise.  
  
A/N: Read AND Review!!!!!  
  
Next Chapter: Lucius has a rude awakening in the morning.  
  
A/N2: Oh yeah, 3 people are now writing this and the pen name it is under, the person doesn't really have any say in this. 


	3. Playing In The Rain In Your Undies Can B...

Four Muggles and A Summer at Malfoy Manor  
  
Disclaimer: Same as before.  
  
A/N: Still written by three of us. This chapter follows each of our mornings.  
Jocelyn:  
  
Jocelyn comes downstairs in her black playboy bunny knickers and black playboy bunny singlet and the Guinness World Records book in her hands and then she gingerly walks up behind Lucius and whacks him around the head with it and he falls to the floor with an "Ouch." Then she drops the book by his side and goes off to get a drink.  
  
Vicky is sitting there looking very impressed and Draco is sitting there with his mouth wide open.  
  
"You wear that to bed?" Asked Draco in disbelief.  
  
"Oh no, not this. I don't wear anything." Said Jocelyn as if it were the most normal thing in the world.  
  
"Oh." Said Draco blushing and slightly bent he walks out the room.  
  
"It's good he's wearing robes, eh, Joss?" Said Vicky with a cheeky grin on her face.  
  
"What?" Asked Jocelyn confused.  
  
"What?" Answered Vicky while grinning and making actions with her hands.  
  
"Ew, no." Said Jocelyn, "I'm gonna go lie down on the couch for a while. Get me a drink will ya."  
  
"You've already got a drink! Do I look like your kitchen bitch?" Asked Vicky, "No wait, don't answer that."  
Vicky:  
  
Vicky wakes up in Remus' arms and grins dreamily. (A/N: They just snogged, nothing more.) and then someone hammers on the door startling them both.  
  
"Deatheater meeting in five minutes!" Shouted the voice.  
  
"Fuck off! I'm not a fucking deatheater! I don't wanna attend your stupid meeting!" Yelled Vicky then she muttered things as she got up, like, "Pissing Voldie, I hate that pissing prick. I'm gonna kill him one day......."  
  
Remus just sits there not entirely sure what to do.  
  
"Wanna go for a walk?" He asked.  
  
"Yes." Said Vicky coming back from wherever it was she went.  
  
They both go downstairs and outside for an early morning walk.  
  
When they get back Remus had to go off to the Ministry and Vicky goes and sits on the table and starts painting her toenails.  
  
Then Jocelyn came downstairs and knocked Lucius out.  
Jayne:  
  
Jayne wakes' up when a death eater knocked on her door telling her she had 30 minutes for her to get ready for there meeting, she didn't have a shower but got dressed in to black under wear and tight short denim skirt and a pink boob tube.  
  
When she arrived down stairs she stuffed her face and then was given a black jacket like them but it was too small and she had fuck me boots on which looked really retarded (A/N: fuck me boots are black boots that come up to your knee.) She had way too much make up on and had not brushed her hair.  
  
"So where are we going?" She asked in a whiny voice.  
  
"To the caves of Cape no Hope." said a random death eater with a matter of fact voice.  
  
"But Lord Lucius will not be attending for he must guard our hide out." Said another random death eater.  
  
"Ok then babes, lets go" She said swinging an arm around the death eater closest to her.  
Fawn:  
  
Fawn was currently sitting out side on the grass in a meditated position watching the sunrise.  
  
She was off in a world of her own thinking of Sev and Tom but was interrupted when they made the mistake of sneaking up behind her. She heard them at the last minute and before they could breathe a word she had a dagger at each of their throats.  
  
She quickly put them away seeing who it was, then spent the next 20 minutes showing them how to meditate. But after that decided it was time for some breakfast, so she pulled them up and took them back with her.  
  
After breakfast everyone gradually ending up talking in the lounge.  
  
Fawn and Sev were in a heated discussion in the corner about leopards and cheaters.  
  
"What are you to up to?" Asked Vicky with a cheeky grin. She winked at Fawn but got ignored.  
  
"Hey Jocelyn, shouldn't you be getting changed" Shouted Vicky from across the room.  
  
"Hey yeah, what's the time?" Asked Jocelyn from across the room, still lying on the couch.  
  
Draco walked in the room slightly flushed, and met Jocelyn at the door.  
  
"Are you still not dressed?" he asked her looking at her then at his feet.  
  
"I'm on my way, wanna help?" Asked Jocelyn with a cheeky grin on her face, "Jokes man, see you at the lunch table in a minute." She added as she exited the room.  
  
Draco watched her walk up the stairs and out of sight.  
  
"Hey Draco how's your day going?" asked Fawn from her spot with Sev but didn't wait for an answer as Tom walked in the room.  
  
"Yeah how IS your day going." Asked Vicky winking at Draco.  
  
"Ok how much do you know?" He asked getting a drink from the fridge.  
  
"Enough." Vicky replied "Your dad's still out cold. He he he, is Remus coming back for lunch?" she asked with slight desperation in her voice.  
  
All of a sudden it started to pour down with rain out side. And to everyone's horror there was a squeal of delight coming from Jocelyn as she ran through the house only in her underwear.  
  
"It's raining, it's pouring, Lucius Malfoy is snoring!" Shout Jocelyn almost in a sing song sort of way.  
  
She then proceeded to run in to the lounge, snatch up her ski goggles from the kitchen bench and run round out side with them on shouting things like "Thank you god. It's raining, it's pouring. It's wet out here dancin' in the rain..."  
  
"Is this normal?" asked Draco in amazement.  
  
"Oh yes, you should see what she does when its snowing." Answered Vicky  
  
"Yeah where does she get her under wear from?" Asked Fawn to no one really.  
  
"Erm, E-bay and the play boy shop I think." Answered Vicky.  
  
There was fast movements coming from beside Vicky and to her amazement it was Draco striping off to his undies.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Asked Jocelyn as she admired the half naked specimen almost in disbelief. But before he could answer she yelled "Tag your it!" running off after slapping him on the ass.  
  
"Err, children." Said Fawn looking out the window to see what all the noise was about.  
  
Lucius by this time was finally regaining consciousness, but Sev smacked him on the back of the head with a book before he could look about him.  
  
"Hey, what the hell did that poor defenseless book do to you?" Screeched Fawn at Sev.  
  
"I..Well...I..." He tried to explain but Fawn didn't listen. She instead left the room in search of the upstairs library.  
  
Tom decided to go meditate in his room and Sev sat on the couch trying to take in what us happening. Vicky tried striking up conversation with him but he wasn't in the mood for her small talk he said, upset Vicky went and tidied her room. But soon got bored and went looking for Fawn or someone to talk to. She found Fawn rummaging along the top shelves of the bookcase in the far side of the library.  
  
"What you looking for?" asked Vicky trying to striking up conversation. Fawn hander her books and she just threw them over her shoulder.  
  
"So. Do you think Sev is into you?" Asked Vicky after a long silence.  
  
"Sometimes I click with him but sometimes he can be so barbaric it's boring. But he is a sweety and a vegetarian I have you know." Said Fawn pointedly.  
  
Little did Fawn know that Sev was listening at the doorway, he started into the room, open his month to say something but was struck by one of the VFB's (Vicky's Flying Books.)  
  
"What the hell?" said Vicky as she heard a thump.  
  
"Oh sorry Sevvie.....erm you awake mate?" Asked Vicky slightly concerned.  
  
"Oh shit, I'll take care of him, you clean this mess up." Ordered Fawn in a motherly way.  
  
"Do I have HOUSE ELF written on my forehead? No wait don't answer that!" Said Vicky picking up the books and putting them in a messy pile on the table.  
  
MEANWHILE outside Draco was still chasing Jocelyn. She was wearing her yellow striped bra and knickers, oh yes and Ski goggles.  
  
While Draco was in his customary green and sliver boxers with the Slytherin logo on them.  
  
Quiet cool Jocelyn thought.  
  
She ran behind the big tree at the end of the lawn and as Draco came round to tap her, she kissed him, long and passionately.  
  
He stood there stunned as she ran off in the opposite direction laughing to herself quietly.  
  
This time Draco ran fast to catch her, he was confused about what had just happened. He caught her but stumbled and they landed on top of each other.  
  
He took off her goggles and brushed the wet hair away from her face. He looked down at her and there eyes met, he could see she was scared but in love.  
  
He leaned in and kissed her, his hands started at her waist and traveled all the way up and ended in her hair.  
  
"Tag you it." He whispered breathlessly.  
  
They kissed again. This time it was very long and with meaning.  
  
He helped her up and he ran off with her chasing.  
  
They both had big smiles plastered on their faces.  
  
"Nice tattoo!" Draco yelled from a far.  
  
"Thanks! I'll tell you its history when I feel like it!" Yelled Jocelyn before diving into the pond.  
  
In the lounge Lucius was beginning to come to, he stumbled over to get a drink but Vicky came in the room and tripped over him making his head connect with her knee.  
  
"Oh shit!" She exclaimed but got a wet cloth and took it up to Fawn who was nursing Sev.  
  
"Thanks Vicky." Said Fawn taking the cloth and dabbing Sev's forehead with it.  
  
"Hey can I borrow your daggers?" She asked with an evil grin.  
  
"Yeah, what ever." Said Fawn not paying attention.  
  
Vicky went off to Fawn's room and grabbed a few daggers and then she went into Jocelyn's room and strategically placed them where Jocelyn would see them and then she taped a big picture of Harry Potter to the back of Jocelyn's door and then left.  
  
She went off to find Remus because she heard someone say he was back from the Ministry after reporting what had happened the night before.  
  
Remus had arrived and found Lucius sprawled unconscious on the floor of the lounge and then he went off for a walk outside to see who was screaming, he saw Jocelyn and Draco chasing each other in their undies, they noticed him and then slowly walk over to him as they thought he deserved an explanation for what he just saw.  
  
"She started it." Said Draco pointing at Jocelyn.  
  
"I can't help it. Every time it rains I get the urge to do this and I've finally done it. And well, when it snows......that's a whole other story." Explained Jocelyn to Remus who was highly amused.  
  
"Well, I found these and thought they might belong to one of you two, but why you'd want ski goggles over here is beyond me." Said Remus handing the goggles to Jocelyn.  
  
Jocelyn put them on her head and with a goofy grin said to Remus, "Vicky's waiting for you. She's doing household chores, that's how bored she is."  
  
Then Jocelyn turns around and slaps Draco on the ass and says, "Tag your it!" and runs off towards the pond.  
  
Draco runs after Jocelyn at a moderate pace.  
  
Remus smirked and went back inside.  
  
He walked in and stepped over Lucius and 'accidentally' kicked him in the ribs.  
  
He bumped into Vicky on the way up the stairs.  
  
"Hi! So, what's the fudgemaker say?" Asked Vicky sounding quite hyperactive.  
  
"Wha? Oh, I dunno, I wasn't really listening, I was thinking." Said Remus.  
  
"Oh." Replied Vicky looking at her feet and shuffling them.  
  
"Thinking of you." Said Remus smiling.  
  
Vicky's face broke into a grin and she practically jumped on him and gave him a big hug.  
  
Remus then carried her downstairs and onto the couch and they begin making out while Lucius started to come around for the fourth time and he sounds really retarded and rolls around on the floor for about half an hour.  
  
It was beginning to get dark outside and Draco after finally catching Jocelyn, they decided to turn in, they walked in, arms around each other.  
  
They walked straight into Lucius at the top of the stairs.  
  
"What the hell have you two been doing!?!" Screamed Lucius angrily.  
  
"Oh just frolicking in the pond, Father" Answered Draco smartly.  
  
"This bloody muggle has brought this on!" Shouted Lucius he then slapped Jocelyn across the face and sent her flying into the banister of the staircase.  
  
She fell on the ground holding her sides and starting to tear up.  
  
"How dare you fucking touch her!' Shouted Draco angrily, he then punched his father square in the nose and sent him toppling down the stairs backwards.  
  
Draco picked Jocelyn up and the called out for Vicky, "Come quick! Jocelyn's been hurt by Lucius!"  
  
Remus and Vicky come running and stood shocked.  
  
"Remus do something!" Ordered Vicky and then she ran off to find Fawn who was still nursing Sev.  
  
He seemed quite happy about this as he had his head in her lap. (A/N: If you take this the wrong way then, keep reading! Jocelyn did too!)  
  
"Fawn! Lucius hit Jocelyn!" Shouted Vicky irately.  
  
Fawn looked up shocked and basically pushed Sev on the ground and both the girls ran out of the room.  
  
He narrowly missed hitting the coffee table but his head connected with Fawn's knee as she ran out of the room.  
  
"Is she dead?" Asked Vicky prodding her.  
  
Jocelyn started to cry in pain when Vicky was prodding her in the rib.  
  
"Vicky! That's not helping! Go and help Remus with Lucius." Ordered Fawn in a motherly way.  
  
"Yes mother." Said Vicky before quickly running away before Fawn could hurt her.  
  
"Draco its best you go and have a shower and dry up." Said Fawn to Draco who was looking concerned and very angry.  
  
"But I wanna stay!" Exclaimed Draco.  
  
"I have to help her get changed. Leave us in peace." Said Fawn sternly.  
  
"Well, ok. But I'll be back." Said Draco leaving very reluctantly.  
  
"Come on, get up." Said Fawn helping Jocelyn to her feet.  
  
A/N: That's the drama for this part of the story, next chapter will be funnier! We promise!!!  
  
Read AND Review!!!!!! 


	4. Jocelyn's Story

Four Muggles and a Summer at Malfoy Mannor  
  
Disclaimer: See chapters before. (We only own what you don't recognize!)  
  
A/N: WE will type and make this one funny!  
Draco sat beside Jocelyn's bed, she looked so peaceful when she slept almost serious he thought.  
  
Well today was his mothers birthday and he had no idea what to get her, Fawn, Jocelyn and Vicky were getting her a joint birthday present and a surpise party, his mum had been away visiting her brother in America and she was getting back in an hour.  
  
Remus, Fawn and Vicky were in the lounge but Jayne was still away and Lucius was tied up in a shed waiting for Fudge to take him away.  
  
"It is better to be clever than strong" Said Fawn quoting Michael Scott.  
  
"Is that meant to mean anything to me?" Asked Remus.  
  
"Yeah it mean's your clever and strong." Said Vicky cuddling up to Remus on the couch.  
  
Fawn looked and Vicky and said pointedly "Unlike some."  
  
"Hey! Your a meany." Said Vicky struggling for words.  
  
"Oh yeah, great insult, man." Said Fawn going back to her book on 'The Ancient Art of Voodoo.'  
  
"Is this all you guys do when I'm not here, throw pitiful insults at each other?" Asked Narcissa from the doorway.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Asked Remus in shock, "I was meant to pick you up at the airport in half an hour!"  
  
"Yes, well Fudge gave me a lift as the plane was early and he was on his way here, he said" She said getting a drink and slouching down on a chair.  
  
"So what has he done this time?" She asked after downing half a can of diet coke in one go.  
  
"Is fudge here" asked Vicky looking round excitedly.  
  
"Where's the fudge, fudge, fudge!?!" She said creeping round the room.  
  
"Erm, don't mind her she's had too much vanilla coke" Said Fawn looking up from her book.  
  
"Lucius slapped Jocelyn so hard she hit the banister of the stairs and collapsed on the floor, Draco is very upset, I think he fancy's her." Said Remus dramatically.  
  
"I can't find the fudge!" Whined Vicky from the kitchen.  
  
Fawn walked over to Vicky where she was on all fours running round in circles on the kitchen floor and slapped her, then walked over to the bookshelf and put her book back.  
  
"I'm going to meditate." She said from the doorway leading to outside.  
  
"I'll come with you!" Yelled Sev from the doorway.  
  
"Sure" Said Fawn with a sweet smile on her face.  
  
They exited and got strange looks from Narcissa.  
  
"Morning all." Said Tom from the kitchen.  
  
"Why are you so happy?" Asked Vicky in almost disbelief. "Aren't you meant to be the hard ass king of darkness?" She asked pointedly.  
  
"Hey I have feelings to you know" Said Tom looking hurt but he looked more constipated.  
  
"Oh my god, really?" Said Vicky "Am I meant to care?"  
  
Changing the subject, "Where's Fawn?" Asked Tom.  
  
"Oh she's out 'meditating' with Sev." Said Remus.  
  
"I don't know what she see's in him." Said Tom mummbling. He stormed out of the room and out the door to look for them.  
  
"Mum, your back!" Said Draco in surprise as he ran over and hugged her, knocking her can on the floor.  
  
Draco picked the can up and got his mum and himself another one.  
  
"So how was your trip?" Asked Draco  
  
"Yeah did you get me anything?" asked Remus  
  
"Yeah, did you get me fudge?" Asked Vicky squirming in her seat  
  
(A/N: Vicky: I don't even like fudge. Jocelyn: Shut up and write!)  
  
"Slow down, I got you all a present each and I'll give them to ya when I feel like unpacking my bags." She said lazily  
  
"Ok, I can live with that, how was your trip?" Asked Draco  
  
"The trip was a great break and there were some great men over there!" She said almost drooling.  
  
"I can't find the fudge!" Said Vicky sticking out her bottom lip and pretending to pout.  
  
"Here I am." Said Fudge from the door way, "We have Lucius in our custody now and we will.." he was cut off but Vicky pouncing on him  
  
"Ewwww, your not fudge, your old and crusty!" She said not realizing she was insulting the Minister of Magic!  
  
"Ewwww get out of my eye line." She said and then waltzed over to the couch and sat back down beside Remus.  
  
"Lets go for a walk." he suggested.  
  
"He he he, ok babe what ever you say." Said Vicky leaving for a walk with Remus, with a goofy grin on her face.  
  
Remus and Vicky didn't get very far in their walk as they went behind a tree Vicky leaned against it smiling, and Remus got a sly smile on his face and leaned in for a kiss.  
  
Remus put his hands on Vicky's waist and Vicky put her arms around his neck and the kiss deepened.  
  
Meanwhile, Tom is searching frantically for Fawn and Sev, and he saw them 'meditating' on top of each other.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Yelled Tom at the top of his lungs.  
  
They got such a fright that Sev jumped a foot in the air.  
  
"What are you yelling for?" Asked Fawn curiously after she got over the initial shock of the rude awakening.  
  
"You're mine! You belong to me." Shouted Tom.  
  
"No I'm not! I belong to me." Said Fawn back.  
  
"Shut up!" Shouted a couple of voices from behind a tree.  
  
"No!" Yelled the three of them.  
  
"We need some concentration over here!" yelled Remus.  
  
"Get a room!" Yelled Tom angrily.  
  
"Fuck you!" Yelled Vicky, "I'm about to get some! So fuck off!"  
  
Sev, Tom and Fawn made some indignant noises and stormed off to another part of the Malfoy grounds.  
  
Tom then proceeded to push Sev into the pond/lake thing.  
  
"You idiot!" Shouted Fawn, "How can you be so insensitive? Wait, you are the hard ass King of Darkness."  
  
"I resent that." Said Tom sulking.  
  
"Well, whatever we 'had', or what you think we had, is over! Finito, Hasta la vista baby! Kaput! Dead! I don't want to see you again! Leave me alone!" Shouted Fawn at Tom before he ran off.  
  
Fawn bends over to help Sev out of the pond/lake thing and then he pulls her in and they start play fighting.  
  
Meanwhile back in the bushes.  
  
"So, where were we?" Asked Remus after he stopped glaring at where the love- triangle had been.  
  
"Hmm, where were we indeed?" Said Vicky before pulling him down and kissing him again.  
  
Remus pulled away and then asked "Wait, you are on the pill right?"  
  
Vicky looks around with shifty eyes and then said as convincingly as she could, "Er, yeah. Of course I am."  
  
Then she kissed him again and this time he didn't relent.  
  
Back in the house, "Yes well as I was saying, I have your husband in my custody and he may be going to Azkaban for this monstrosity." Said Fudge picking himself up.  
  
"Well I'm in no hurry to see him again so take you're time." Said Narcissa politely  
  
As soon as Fudge left Draco and Narcissa were into having a heart to heart conversation.  
  
"So, I've heard from a 'reliable' source that you are into this Jocelyn girl." Said Narcissa in a very unsubtle way.  
  
Draco blushes, "Why would you say that?" he asks.  
  
"Because, I can tell these things, I am your mother after all." Answered Narcissa.  
  
"OK mum. I'll be straight with you. I like her, a lot. But I don't think she's that into me. I think she's just looking for a good time." Said Draco looking at his feet.  
  
"Well, Draco. I think she's a lovely girl. I can't wait to get to know her better." Said Narcissa smiling at her son who looked back doubtfully, "Honestly."  
  
"Erm are you sure, you want to do that?" Asked Draco a bit worried.  
  
"Why do you say that? What happened while I was away?" Asked Narcissa suspiciously.  
  
"Eh nothing." Said Draco looking away and hoping for a distraction and as it just so happened, that was the moment Tom ran through the house crying.  
  
Then he ran up to his room and slammed the door.  
  
"Geez, what's up with him?" Asked Narcissa.  
  
"Yeah, he's been acting kind of strange lately," Said Draco, his mum looked at him funny  
  
"Well, more strange than usual." Added Draco  
  
"Ok, well, back to the topic of what you did while I was away, or would you just like to discuss Jocelyn some more?" Asked Narcissa and not waiting for an answer she then said, "Tell me what you know about her so far."  
  
"Er, she doesn't sleep in clothes." Said Draco again, looking at his feet and blushing madly, "and she likes running around outside in the rain in her underwear."  
  
"Oh well, I see what's going on here. I mean, you are 16 and I s'pose I can't tell you who to sleep with or anything." Said Narcissa not realizing the horrified look she had produced from Draco.  
  
"What? No! No! I haven't slept with her! That's the last thing on my mind! Well, that and what engagement ring to get." Said Draco.  
  
Narcissa nearly faints at the last bit and Draco says quickly, "I'm kidding! Oh she has a blue lily tattoo on her left shoulder blade as well, she said she'd tell me more about it."  
  
"Uh huh." Was all Narcissa managed to get out.  
  
Just then they heard a 'clomp, clomp' coming down the stairs and Jocelyn emerged in the door way wearing a blue singlet and knickers with clouds on them and on the back it had a black playboy bunny.  
  
Draco watched her every move and then she collapsed onto the couch across from them after getting a drink.  
  
"Hello." Said Jocelyn smiling.  
  
"Good...eh, (looks at her watch) afternoon." Said Narcissa still in disbelief that someone can walk around like that and not be ashamed.  
  
"What's wrong with Tom? He's been bawling his eyes out for about ten minutes, I can't stand it." Said Jocelyn, "Oh well, I'm going to go and get changed and then I'll go and sunbathe outside, topless."  
  
Narcissa looked at her open mouthed as she left the room.  
  
"Mum, she's kidding. It's to cloudy outside." Said Draco.  
  
"I can still hear you! I'm not kidding either! I've sunbathed in the snow before.......Yes, topless!" Shouted Jocelyn from the stairs.  
  
Draco went and made his mum a cup of strong coffee and then took her bag up to her room and then got changed.  
  
Fawn then walked in absolutely soaked grabbed a book on aromatherapy and obviously headed for the bathroom  
  
Sev followed close behind, he stopped at the doorway and added "We're..I mean I'm going to go have a bath"  
  
Then Jocelyn went waltzing though the lounge in a pink and brown bikini with a towel in one hand and sun block in the other.  
  
"Hey Draco! You wanna come sunbathe with me?" Called Jocelyn to wherever Draco was.  
  
No answer.  
  
"Least you can do is come out and talk to me!" Called Jocelyn.  
  
Draco then came running down from his bedroom.  
  
"Yeah, I'll come talk, lets talk." Said Draco enthusiastically while nodding his head.  
  
They walked round to the far side of the pond/lake thing, leaving Narsissa shocked in the kitchen.  
  
Jocelyn rubbed sun block over the fount of her and then lay down on the towel she had spread out. She undid the string on the backs of her bikini top and slid it out from underneath her.  
  
"Hey can you rub some of this on my back please babe?" Asked Jocelyn sliding the bottle over to Draco.  
  
"Erm, sure." He tried to sound confident but his heart was racing.  
  
"All over my back babe.. Down more, more, more yeah that's it." Said Jocelyn instructing him  
  
He massaged it into her back and left her nice and relaxed.  
  
"So what does your mum think of me?" Asked Jocelyn trying to strike up conversation.  
  
"She thinks your, well, different." He said trying to make it sound like he meant it.  
  
"Hey that's cool." She replyed.  
  
"So what's the history behind your tattoo?" Draco asked curiously.  
  
"It's my favorite flower, it has been for as long as I can remember did you know the blue lily is the rarest flower in the world?. Lily was also the name of my little sister....." Said Jocelyn trailing offf.  
  
"What do you mean was?" Draco asked trying not to sound pressuring.  
  
"She died prematurely because my mum had cancer....... and she had to have her ovaries taken out, it was horrible and that's why I'm an only child, I only have a half brother and he's 5 years older than me and never around...." Jocelyn whipped the tears from her eyes, "I've never told anyone before you."  
  
"Are you OK?" Asked Draco not quiet knowing what to do.  
  
Jocelyn gave a short half laugh and said, "yeah I'm right."  
  
"So you've never told anyone before?" Asked Draco in disbelief  
  
"Yeah no one." Answer Jocelyn  
  
"Not even Vicky or Fawn?" Suggested Draco  
  
"Yeah no one but I know I can trust you with this." Said Jocelyn laying her head down.  
  
"So what's on your mind?" Asked Jocelyn, again trying to strike up conversation.  
  
"Well I was wondering how many ex-boyfriends you have. You don't mind me asking about them, do you?" He asked sincerely  
  
"No not at all, all you have to do is tell me about yours." Said Jocelyn  
  
"Well shoot." Said Draco  
  
"Lets see, I've had 3 boyfriends, my first one was A.J he was one of those popular boys in the class, I was 13 and had been going out with him for 2 months and he expected me to sleep with him, when I said no, he dumped me! He was shallow man.  
  
My second boyfriend was Jacob. I went out with him 3 months after I broke up with A.J. Jacob was sweet but too needy, he always had to know what I was doing and where I was going and shit like that, it was really annoying, I broke up with him shortly after I turned 15.  
  
My third boyfriend was Sam he was a drinker and would beat me up, (Jocelyn had silent tears running down her face but she carried on.) We would go to a party and he would get violent when I said we should go, he got violent, he broke so many of my rib's I lost count, I....I....I broke up with him not long ago but he's been stalking me and this is an opportunity to let him get himself straightened out."  
  
Draco was silent, he was deep in thought he didn't notice Jocelyn sit up and put her top on. Once she had finished he looked at her, she had sincerely been crying, her eyes and nose were red, she moved over to him and he took her in his arms and cuddled her. She cried some more and then they kissed, long, deep and passionately.  
  
"So you are OK now." Draco asked, then he could have kicked himself, of course she would be OK but...  
  
"I haven't been living at home for about a year now, I've been flatting with Fawn and Vicky, they are very sportive, they know what I've been thought is hard." Said Jocelyn Shivering from crying.  
  
"Well I guess I have to tell you about my ex-girlfriends now." Said Draco, he was still cuddling Jocelyn, she gave a short half laugh.  
  
*God she smells amazing* he thought *and her skin is so soft*  
  
"Well, where to start, I guess my 'serious' relationships have been with about 5 girls. My first girlfriend was Georgia Doo-all, she was an insufferable Hufflepuff, we lasted 2 months.  
  
My second girlfriend was a Ravenclaw, she always had to be right and she would rather study than be with me, she also had a really annoying voice, pity she had a really nice name though, Lilac Lavender.  
  
Well now my third girlfriend was a Slytherin slut, Michelle High-strung I think, she only went out with me to be cool and she was a really bad kisser despite the rumors.  
  
My fourth girlfriend was Hermione Granger. She was different, we lasted the longest out of all my relationships, but it was secret and we had to meet in secret all the time. She was funny and smart but she had a reputation to defend and that meant more to her than me.  
  
And finally my fifth girlfriend was a Slytherin called Pansy Parkinson, she was a pressuring little cow and a bit of a slut to but we had some good times, I lost myself to her, it was worst mistake of my life. I haven't been seeing anyone for about 6 months now." Draco was silent, he could fell Jocelyn's heart beat and her breath lightly on his chest.  
  
"Did you want to?" asked Jocelyn  
  
"You mean with Pansy.no, she kind of pressured me into it but it's all in the past now and there's nothing I can do about it." Said Draco a bit more bitterly than intended  
  
"And the problem is she still wants me but I can't stand her." Said Draco looking out over the pond/lake thing  
(A/N: We know this is meant to be funny but this is way better in my opinion! So NAH NAH NAH NAH!)  
  
READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^^^ 


	5. We Didn't Blow Up The BBQ! I Swear!

Four Muggles and a Summer at Malfoy Manor 5  
  
Disclaimer: We own all!!!!! Muahahahaha! Nah, not really. We own us and that's about it.  
  
Vicky: I wanna own Remmie!!!!!  
  
Jocelyn: I wanna own Draco, but its just not gonna happen.  
  
Vicky: Ah, shut it...  
  
Jocelyn: What hell does niggardly mean?  
  
Vicky: You stingy bugger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jocelyn: Well glad we got that cleared up.....  
  
Vicky: Onwards!!!  
Chapter 5  
  
Draco thought for a while and then asked "Why haven't you been at home for a year?"  
  
Jocelyn looked up at him and then cuddled into him "Things weren't nice, I'll be straight with you on this because I can't be assed lying to another person about this."  
  
She took a deep breath "My dad was never around, so my mum suspected he was having an affair but she could never prove it, so she drank her problems away. There is a history of depression in our family and alcohol so I got her into rehab but it's really bad and dad blamed it on me, I put up with him beating me for 2 month and then I walked out."  
  
Draco was silent, he shouldn't have asked, it's too painful for her, he could feel her tears running down his chest.  
  
"Well" Jocelyn said after wiping away her tears "Enough of this depressing talk, it's your mum's birthday and you have to get her a birthday present."  
  
"Yeah, will you come to the shop with me? I have no idea what to get her." Said Draco.  
  
"Sure, all I need to do is get changed OK?" Replied Jocelyn.  
  
"Yeah, I'll drive!" Said Draco helping Jocelyn getting up.  
  
As they walked through the living room Narcissa looked on in amazement.  
  
*Jocelyn looks like shit* she thought.  
  
"What happened with you two?" Asked Narcissa to Draco when Jocelyn had gone upstairs.  
  
"Oh...it's.....well......." Said Draco looking round the room for something to wear.  
  
"Have you seen my shirt?" Asked Draco changing the subject.  
  
"NO, but is she OK, she looks like shit run over twice, what have you done, NO what haven't you done?" Said Narcissa quickly.  
  
"I don't think I should say, it's nothing 'kinky' so don't worry mum, hey yeah what do you want for your birthday?" answered Draco.  
  
"Something fun but whatever you get me will be fine darling." Said Narcissa getting him a shirt from behind the couch.  
  
"OK, you ready?" Asked Jocelyn waltzing back into room wearing hipster jeans and a halter neck sparkly blue top, with wooden sandals on, and yes, Draco was still taller than her.  
  
"Damn you look fine!" Said Draco cracking a smile.  
  
Jocelyn just blushed and grabbed her purse from the bench.  
  
"Shit, did I say that out loud? Well, lets go." said Draco making for the door.  
  
"You two have fun now!" Yelled Narcissa after them as Remus and Vicky can in the room.  
  
"We have had a good time" Said Vicky to Narcissa.  
  
"Oh sorry, I didn't see you two there. I was talking to Draco and Jocelyn, they're driving to town to get a prezzie for me." Said Narcissa getting a drink.  
  
"I didn't know you had a car?" Said Remus straightening his clothes.  
  
"We don't." Answered Narcissa in between the slurps.  
  
"Oh shit he didn't take mine did he?" Said Remus looking panicked.  
  
"Don't worry babe, they'll be good to it." Said Vicky getting herself a vanilla coke.  
  
"I hope your right." Said Remus looking more relaxed.  
  
Suddenly Tom came in the room and pushed some papers in Vicky's face.  
  
"See, look at that I'm being a good dark evil oval lord and making a plan to kill Harry Potter!" Said Tom sounding pleased with himself almost cocky!  
  
"Well by the sound's of this your planning 'to kill a kid called Hairy Poofter in his slept'." Read out Vicky chuckling to herself.  
  
"No, I'm planning to kill Harry Potter in his sleep and..." but he was cut off by Vicky reading out the rest of his 'evil' plot.  
  
"We's will also attacked and kills Ronny and Hemorrhage in there slept two." She read out loudly, rolling round on the ground afterwards holding her sides.  
  
With silent tears running down her face trying to suppress her laughter Narsissa said "I thought you were meant to be a dark evil oval lord?"  
  
"Your spelling suck's to the baddest, man." Said Vicky handing him back the sheets of paper now crumpled.  
  
"Don't listen to them." Said Fawn walking over to Tom smiling sweetly and taking his arm, guiding him over to the table where she proceeded to make him a cup of tea.  
  
"If you are having trouble read this book, it will help." Tom took the book and read the title, 'How to be a Dark Evil Oval Lord.' He took some munchies from the pantry and went to his room.  
  
"Well that's rid of him, I'm going to go practice my dagger throwing." Said Fawn simply, before leaving the room.  
  
"I'm back." Came a shriek from the door, Jayne was back from the caves of Cape no Hope.  
  
"You lose one and gain another." Said Vicky digging her head into Remus's chest for protection.  
  
"Did you miss me?" Shrilled Jayne.  
  
"As much as you miss fried maggots!" Replied Vicky clearly pissed off.  
  
"Nice to see you again." Said Narcissa with a plastered smile on her face.  
  
"Well I have to go unpack my bags now and get ready for the party tonight." Said Narcissa heading for the door.  
  
"Ohhh goody a party." Said Jayne sitting down across from Remus and Vicky.  
  
"You want a drink babe? I can't stand the look of that." Said Vicky looking at Jayne.  
  
"Yeah sure if your going over there" Said Remus watching Vicky walk across the room.  
  
Seeing her chance Jayne went and sat close beside Remus, she smelt really bad and it made Remus gag, especially with his heightened werewolf senses!  
  
"So what's your name big fella?" Said Jayne in the most flirtatious voice she could come up with.  
  
"It's......ummm......well....." Said Remus but he was gagging too much from her stench.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" shouted Vicky at Jayne from across the room.  
  
"What does it look like?" Answered Jayne oblivious to the fact she was chatting up Vicky's lover.  
  
"Why you little bitch, moving in on my man.." Said Vicky being cut off.  
  
"Your man, figures." Said Jayne getting up and moving across the room.  
  
"That's it!" Screamed Vicky and in a fit of rage she punched Jayne so hard she was out cold.  
  
"You know your really hot when your angry?" Complimented Remus.  
  
"I know." Said Vicky kissing Remus.  
  
Sev enters the room with dun Dun DUN! CLEAN HAIR!  
  
"Severus is that clean hair I smell?" Asked Remus not expecting an answer.  
  
"Why yes, it's Lavender and Ylang Ylang." Said Sev without a care in the world while getting a drink of orange juice.  
  
"Lavender? No wonder I'm happy all of a sudden." Said Vicky perking up.  
  
(A/N: did you know lavender is an anti-depressant. Vicky: No wonder I felt happy when we were burning it in Science last year.)  
  
"What has lavender got to do with it?" Ask Remus looking round confused.  
  
"Don't worry your pretty head." Said Vicky before kissing Remus again.  
  
As they were kissing, Jayne started to come too, she looked at the kissing couple and snorted in disgust.  
  
"Oh your back." Commented Sev before disappearing out the door for a walk outside.  
  
"What was I doing? Don't tell me I fell asleep on the floor again and hit my head." Said Jayne to no one in particular.  
  
"Yeah that's it. Why don't you go play hide and go seek with the Deatheaters?" Suggested Vicky to Jayne to get rid of her.  
  
"What a great idea." Exclaimed Jayne.  
  
"Go have a wash first." Suggested Remus before being pounced on by Vicky.  
  
All was quiet in the house for about an hour until Vicky fell off the couch, follow closely by Remus.  
  
"Wow that was great!" He exclaimed, "Definitely never done it like that before." He added breathless.  
  
"Want some more?" Asked Vicky but not waiting for a reply, putting her hands round Remus's bare back and pulling him in for a kiss.  
  
"Whoops sorry!" Said Narcissa walking in on them.  
  
"Ah Fuck!" Said Remus getting up off Vicky and doing up his pant's while handing Vicky her top.  
  
"I'm so sorry you guy's, but that Jayne girl keeps on popping her head round the corner of my bedroom door every 5 minutes and asking if any others are in here! It's so annoying! So I had to tell her bedrooms are off limits 11 times now." Said Narcissa cleaning up round the room and handing them clothes.  
  
"Here!" Said Narcissa handing Remus the keys to the garage.  
  
"I need you to get the wooden out door furniure out on the lawn for me and Vicky could you......" She was cut off by Vicky speaking over her.  
  
"Geez girl, this is meant to be your party, so don't plan it leave that to me, all you need to do is get me the phone and the phone book."  
  
Remus disappears to the back of the house and Narcissa gets Vicky the phone and Phone book  
  
"Thanks, now go pamper yourself you have to look gorgeous for tonight, OK?" said Vicky shaking her hand in the direction of the stairs.  
  
"OK.." Said Narcissa slyly blushing and exiting the room.  
  
"Now where's the stripper section?..." Said Vicky out loud to herself looking though the phone book.  
  
"Ah, here it is......" Vicky punches some numbers into the phone,  
  
(this is her side of the conversation: )  
  
Yes,  
  
I would like a stripper between the age of 25 and 30, please.  
  
Male.... Definitely  
  
Ummmmmmm 200 not including tips.  
  
Yes...  
  
Uh hu, perfect! What's his name?....  
  
Sirius? Great....  
  
The address is Malfoy Manor......  
  
At about 10pm......  
  
Yes.....  
  
Yeah, it's her 34th birthday......  
  
Dressed as a Policeman please.....  
  
Yeah....great...  
  
Thank you.  
  
Toodles.  
  
Vicky turned the phone off and flicked though the phone book looking for a catering company, when Fawn coming in in a hurry interrupted her.  
  
"What's up Fawny?" Asked Vicky not looking.  
  
"I have to get ready for the party, duh! Hey make sure you get vegetarian meals too please." Said Fawn getting herself a drink to cool down with.  
  
"Sure thing!" Said Vicky not listening at all.  
  
"Gee your happy, what you been up to?" Asked Fawn cheekily, while cleaning the kitchen.  
  
"Gee I wonder." Said Vicky as a smile sprang across her face.  
  
"Oh, OK I'm going to go use up all the hot water in the shower now! Have fun!" Said Fawn moving across the room.  
  
She stuck her head round the door and added "Can I borrow a top from you, you know the black one?"  
  
"Absolutely!" Said Vicky with a sparkle in her eyes.  
  
Just as Vicky had finished ordering the dinner, Draco and Jocelyn walked in both carrying a box each. They then proceeded to put them down beside the far side couch.  
  
Draco (using his big strong masculine muscles) pushed the couch away from the door behind it, the door opened into a big living area type room.  
  
"Wow!" Exclaimed Vicky putting down the phone book.  
  
"It's big enough, all I have to do is get that platform from in the garage for in here and we're set!" Said Draco moving his hands to where it would be.  
  
"Yeah I was wondering how I was going to get a band at short notice." Said Vicky wandering around the room.  
  
"Oh we don't need one, it's all covered." Said Jocelyn running round in circles.  
  
Vicky look confused for a minute and then Draco said "My mum wanted something 'fun' for her birthday, so I got her a Karaoke machine with records, a microphone and speakers. OK so the speakers aren't that big but they'll do."  
  
Remus came in the room followed by Sev.  
  
"Wow" Exclaimed Remus.  
  
"Yeah it's big" Added Sev.  
  
"Hey Remus and Sevvie can you guys help me get the platform from out of the garage? Asked Draco moving towards the windows and opening them.  
  
"Yeah sure." They replied almost in unison.  
  
"Great, it's all set then, oh Jocelyn help me put up some decorations in here will you?" Asked Vicky already knowing the answer, picking up a box from in the lounge.  
  
They put up some decorations and brought through the boxes for the karaoke machine and started unpacking and setting up the records into a rack that came free with it.  
  
The stage was 3 by 2 meters, they put it down on the side of the room opposite to the door, with all the windows behind it.  
  
"There, that looks right, well I'm off to change." Said Remus breathless.  
  
"Good idea." Sev agreed.  
  
"Well you two don't mind putting the rest on it do you? I'm off to go get changed." Stated Draco.  
  
"Yeah sure."  
  
They finished setting up the karaoke machine and left the room, Vicky went and had a shower.  
  
Jocelyn instructed the deliverymen as to where to put the food. Then she too went and had a shower and got changed. Fawn was the first ready, she was wearing Vicky's black netted top with her own mini skirt and above the knee black leather boots.  
  
Jocelyn had finished her shower before Vicky and gone a nicked off with her black 6 inch stiletto heeled sandals. But had lost her top so she went in search of it down in the lounge.  
  
Draco was down there and so was Fawn, she was writing in a diary it looked like and Draco was lying on the couch talking to fawn.  
  
"...But I think she's just looking for a good time." Draco was explaining his feelings about Jocelyn, on hearing this Jocelyn stood at the doorway just out of sight.  
  
"Fawn, what should I do?" He asked putting his hands over his face  
  
"Don't worry, she's not that kind of girl, trust me." Said Fawn hoping it would help.  
  
Draco just sat up and made a grunting agreeing sound.  
  
Jocelyn saw her chance and walked across the room in her full length black skirt, that had a split up the left side that went all the way up to the top and her green singlet top with cheeky written on the back down the bottom.  
  
She waltzed across the room and picked up her top from the chair, on seeing what Jocelyn was wearing, Draco fell off the couch.  
  
Fawn ignored him.  
  
"Are you ok?" Jocelyn asked.  
  
"Yeah, fine" lied Draco still face down on the floor, making hand movements for her to leave.  
  
Jocelyn heard shouting and Vicky cursing her so she scrammed. Vicky ran into the room looking round for Jocelyn still wearing her bathrobe, then she noticed Draco.  
  
"Got a problem there mate?" Asked Vicky.  
  
"Wha...." was the intelligible answer he could give  
  
"OH leave him alone Vicky, it's only natural." Said Fawn matter of factly.  
  
"At least mine can control himself until he's alone with me." Said Vicky more hasher than intended.  
  
Draco just got up and left the room and soon after so did Vicky.  
  
"AH HA! You little bitch you got my shoes!" Yelled Vicky stopping outside Jocelyn's room.  
  
"Oh, yeah, fancy that." Said Jocelyn not seeming that disturbed by the yelling.  
  
"Well if your wearing those I wanna borrow some stuff of yours." Said Vicky looking in Jocelyn's closet, she pulled out a belt, some sandals and one shoulder top with tassles coming off it.  
  
"Yeah, you can borrow it all as long as I get it back!" Said Jocelyn not looking up from the mirror were she was doing her hair.  
  
"What the......Hey I'm not the stingy one, you are, remember????" Said Vicky pretending to be insulted.  
  
"Oh yeah, well just make sure it doesn't become a permanent member of your closet, ok....dammit, I can't get my hair to do that I want it to do." Said Jocelyn not really looking up.  
  
"Sweet as then.....Hey why don't you go 'borrow' Fawn's silver tiara, it'll look good with the top. " Said Vicky before leaving in a hurry.  
  
Jocelyn found the tiara and put it on, not satisfied, she used the curling iron to curl her hair. Then put the tiara on "Much better." She said looking in the mirror as she went to see how Narcissa was.  
  
Narcissa was figuring out what to wear and then noticed Jocelyn standing at the door.  
  
"Hey come here, I need to know which would look better the red dress the blue dress or the pink dress?" She asked while putting on her heels.  
  
"Hmm, I think the blue one, it's simple but elegant. I better go put my face on to now, see you downstairs soon." Said Jocelyn while making for the door.  
  
"Thanks." Call Narcissa after her.  
  
Jocelyn didn't put on much make up as she was borrowing it from Vicky and she doesn't wear much anyways.  
  
By the time she got down stairs some relatives not worth naming had arrived and some music was playing, outside Remus was sitting beside the BBQ with Wormtail who was pissing him off.  
  
"You look gorgeous!" Squeaked Remus as Vicky came gliding towards him, like an angel he thought.  
  
"Oh it's you!" Said Wormtail nastily.  
  
"Nice to see you too." Said Vicky before kissing Remus.  
  
"Geez, get a room you to, your always at it like rabbits" Said Wormtail without thinking.  
  
Remus grabbed him by his tie and tied him to tree.  
  
"Sorry about that, he doesn't know when to shut his mouth." Explained Remus before kissing Vicky again.  
  
"It's ok babe, so how's the BBQ going?" She asked curiously.  
  
"I have no idea" said Remus fiddling with a valve on the side of it.  
  
"Well have you lit it yet?" Asked Vicky.  
  
"Oh yes that might help" he said getting out some matches from his back pocket.  
  
"Stand back!" He said dramatically.  
  
They stand back about 3 meters, he lights the match, throws it at the BBQ and then......  
  
KAPOOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Remus had just succeeded in blowing out two rooms in the house, Lucius's bedroom and the Library above it.  
  
Remus and Vicky stood there open mouthed "I wonder if anyone heard that." Said Remus still shocked.  
  
"Well at least you got the BBQ going. Look! It's unharmed." Said Vicky.  
  
And sure enough some random relative came and tried to put the small fire out and succeeded, but not before letting all the books burn.  
  
"I'll go get the meat." Said Remus stalking off.  
  
Fawn came out and looked at the damage, the rest of the party carried on as if nothing happened.  
  
"Hey, you can't pin this one on me." Said Vicky to Fawn who then proceeded to run inside and try to save all the books she could, but they had all perished in the flames. Which is very odd considering the amount of gas lost.  
  
Meanwhile: Jocelyn was looking around the room for Draco but he wasn't to be seen, so she grabbed herself a wine cooler and hit the dance floor.  
  
Vicky came inside and grabbed herself a wine cooler too and took Jocelyn aside "I ordered Narcissa her 'birthday present', he'll be arriving at.... " said Vicky but she cut off.  
  
"He!?!" Said Jocelyn with a puzzled look on her face  
  
"Trust me, this is something we'll all enjoy." Said Vicky with a gleam in her eye.  
  
"OK, how much do I owe you? Wait tell me later. Draco is here now, toodles" Said Jocelyn dancing across the room  
  
Vicky got a beer and went outside to where Remus was cooking sausages on Lucius's flaming bed and gave him the beer.  
  
Vicky raised an eyebrow and said, "The Arson Werewolf strikes again."  
  
Remus threw a sausage at her.  
  
"Oi! I was kidding, but seriously, that food might be contaminated now." Said Vicky walking over to Remus and resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Yeah well, I'm not eating them, don't like sausages." Said Remus putting them on a plate.  
  
Vicky shrugged and then went and sat down on the now put out BBQ and watched interestedly as Remus was cooking.  
  
"Oh, you may not want to be around at 10pm." Said Vicky remembering the stripper again.  
  
"Why not?" Asked Remus before taking a swig of beer.  
  
"Cause, erm....Of er.....Narcissa's erm.....Birthday Present." Said Vicky and then grinning at the end of her stutters.  
  
Remus looked at her with one of his eyebrows raised and then he abandoned his cooking and went over to her.  
  
"And what birthday present would that be?" He asked slyly, hoping she'd tell.  
  
Vicky shook her head, "Can't tell, sorry."  
  
Remus put his hands on her waist while she was still sitting and leaned in and kissed her passionately and she started to lean back on the BBQ with Remus following.  
  
When Remus pulled away he raised his eyebrows at Vicky and she said, "It's a stripper."  
  
"Ah, well, I could give you a private showing if you want." Said Remus casually as he walked back over to where the sausages were burning.  
  
Vicky looked at him with her mouth open and then nodded her head eagerly; Remus smirked triumphantly and continued cooking.  
  
Just then Narcissa came out and stopped and stood almost frozen to the ground and then she said, "Have you guys seen Jayne? She's missing."  
  
Obviously Narcissa hadn't noticed the gaping hole in the side of the house.  
  
"No I haven't seen her and who cares if she's missing?" Said Vicky still getting over what Remus just said.  
  
"Good point. How's the food coming, Rem?" Asked Narcissa, still not noticing the hole in the house.  
  
"Fine. Like my new BBQ?" Asked Remus smiling.  
  
"Yeah, festive." Said Narcissa absentmindedly and then she walked off.  
  
"People around here aren't to observant are they?" Asked Vicky in amusement.  
  
"No. Us Wizards don't really notice things like this." Said Remus gesturing to the hole.  
  
"Righty-o." Said Vicky.  
  
A/N: That's the end of this chapter at the mo.  
  
Next Chapter: The STRIPPER!!!! Or is it true love?!!??!!? 


End file.
